To My Husband on Father’s Day

By | 2018-06-12T07:35:13+00:00 June 12th, 2018|Adoption, For Dads|1 Comment

To My Husband on Father’s Day,

Hey you. Remember me? Remember us? Over the years, we’ve experienced pretty much everything together, from the trying and losses, through grief and sadness, to joy and relief, and back again. There were days we didn’t think we’d make it. Days we thought we’d never have living children. And days we wondered what the heck we were doing in continuing to try.

After a while, it seemed as though life in, and after, loss was almost easier than what comes next.

By no means do I mean it was easy, rather we experienced loss so many times, we learned how to do it. For the most part, we knew what to expect, how to care for one another, and how to protect ourselves from the outside world. At a time when many couples split up, you were the yang to my yin. Together, we figured out how to dig deep, and then dig deeper to find the courage and strength to try again.

When we were putting together our profile book as part of the adoption process, I remember writing the section about what we loved about each other becoming a parent. After everything, imagining this felt like a great reprieve to a fantasy land. Those two pages are my favorite parts of our book, as it enabled each of us to dream.

What I love about Aaron becoming a dad

Aaron is one of the most kind, caring and compassionate people I’ve ever met. I know that he’ll be a great dad.

He is extremely creative, and I can’t wait to see how he shares this gift with our children through arts and crafts. Aaron is a master fort maker and Lego builder for our cousins’ and friends’ kids, and I know that he can’t wait to do these activities with our own children.

Aaron’s sense of humor always keeps me laughing, and I know that will be true for our kids too…although, I’m sure his jokes will also bring about rolls of the eyes when he “embarrasses” them.

Becoming a father is sure to make Aaron an even better person than he already is.

As I reflect on the words I wrote about you six years ago, I can’t help but smile at how true they ring.

I also can’t help the sense of shock of how lucky we are to have three beautiful boys with us. We persevered to get to the family we wanted, coming to do so in ways we hadn’t before expected. Through adoption, PAL, and PAL after PAL, here we are. It’s a wonder our nerves are still in tact.

These days, we face new challenges in the ever-changing quest to understand parenting, while finding time for ourselves and as a couple. Each day is a balancing act between feeling incredibly grateful, while also being “regular,” stressed-out parents to three, energetic boys, 5 and under. And while there’s no such thing as perfect parenting, the kindness, care and compassion you show our boys says it all.

While I love seeing what I wrote play out in our everyday lives, I especially like to watch it on Father’s Day as a reminder of how far we’ve come.

We are all lucky to have you, and it’s true, becoming a father made you an even better person than you already were.

 

 

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About the Author:

Erin Kuhn-Krueger
Erin Kuhn-Krueger is a 5x miscarriage survivor (including a daughter, Baby Krueger, at 16 weeks 6 days), and a 2x stillbirth survivor (twins, Sarah and Benjamin, at 20 weeks 5 days). After her 4th loss, Erin created the blog and resource portal, Will CarryOn, for those experiencing baby loss, and learning to live and survive life after loss. She writes from the heart, touching on oft-taboo subjects, showcasing the struggles, determination and hope that have kept her (and her husband) together, and moving forward. She believes the more people talk about baby loss, the less alone those walking a similar path will feel. Erin received a B.A. in Journalism and Mass Communication from Drake University where she studied advertising and marketing. She uses her personal experiences and marketing background to shape her advocacy work and community outreach in the adoption, loss and infertility arena. In addition to her writing, Erin also works as the Community Outreach Director for The Blossom Method, a center providing therapeutic support and counseling for infertility, miscarriage, stillbirth, baby loss, pregnancy after loss, postpartum depression, and more. Erin and her husband, Aaron, live in Chicago, and are parents of a son, C, by way of domestic adoption (May 2013), and another son, J, after successfully carrying a pregnancy to term (August 2014). You can find her on Twitter, and follow Will CarryOn on Twitter and Facebook.

One Comment

  1. Glammy and Pappy June 12, 2018 at 2:48 pm - Reply

    Beautiful❣️ You both are our heroes 😘

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