Sunshine & Rainbow–Equally Loved

By |2018-08-14T08:41:06+00:00August 14th, 2018|Parenting After Loss|0 Comments

As my two girls grow older, and I am forced to tuck away their clothes that they have grown out of, I’m left with 2 huge, clear plastic tubs of clothes I’ll probably just store for a few years and then get rid of. Instead of this wasted space, as I’m trying to simplify our home, I decided I would keep only the clothes that had special meaning to each girl. The outfit they wore in the hospital (which was just a Onesie with yellow ducks- I am not a fan of hard to change outfits for babies), the crocheted outfit my mother-in-law made for pictures, the outfits brought back from the countries where their Grandparents have done mission work. As I was mentally making the lists for the girls in my head I realized something- they were pretty much the same items. The same things for both my Sunshine and Rainbow.

Sure, my Rainbow Evan had some new clothes that had rainbows on them, but other than that both her and my Sunshine Charlie have the same amount of special clothes to remember.

While going through all the special items, it really hit me hard. I think mentally I have been caught up in the labels of each girl, as the Sunshine and Rainbow, that I thought I was celebrating Evan more. I thought I was capturing more memories of her than Charlie, and guilt started to set in. I know things will never be equal between the two, and I have tried to instill that fact while raising them because everything in the world is not fair and equal, but I would like to think I am not favoring one child over the other.

I’m a very sentimental person, and I tend to have a lot of “keepsakes.”

I realized this during our move last year while trying to pack up our home. It sort of sounds materialistic, but these items are of little value except for what their memories is worth to me. I have my own personal boxes for special objects and pictures, so of course I felt the need to create the same thing for the girls. When I started their boxes, I really was worried that I would have so much more to put into Evan’s box. The truth is, both of these girls are loved and celebrated so much, and we don’t even realize it. It is done every day without even a thought from myself or my husband that it is so natural.

I am so thankful that we have two girls to enjoy and love and create lasting memories with. Although the items are slightly different, to fit each girl’s personality, they both have so many wonderful keepsakes. When I sit down and realize all the things we have kept because of their meaning to each girl, it truly shows that there is no favorite, just a whole lot of love for our Sunshine and Rainbow.

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About the Author:

Katie McKenzie
Katie McKenzie lives in rural central Ohio with her husband Jesse and two daughters, Charlie and Evan. A year after she had their first daughter in June 2014, she and her husband began trying to conceive again. They experienced 3 first trimester miscarriages in 8 months. In May 2016 she found out she was pregnant again and gave birth to their Rainbow in January 2017. She wrote about her pregnancy in a blog, and has began to continue to write about her everyday life, now as a mother of two. You can visit her blogs, Life isn't always Rainbows and A Princess and a Rainbow. Katie is a Registered Nurse who currently works on a postpartum unit. After her own experiences with loss, Katie has become passionate about speaking out about miscarriage and ending the stigma that comes with it.

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