I have officially hit the third trimester, which sometimes felt like it would never come. I was just thinking about it the other day and I have 12 weeks left. Which both seems super long and super quick. Sometimes I feel like this is the never ending pregnancy just because I want her here safe and each day is just another day I worry. At the same time, I want her to stay in as long as possible so we hopefully avoid any complications.

On a good note though, I have a lot of things coming up in the next couple of months that will make the time go by a bit faster. I have both my birthday and my baby shower next weekend and am really excited to be able to celebrate this beautiful girl. We also have our wedding anniversary and our son’s birthday coming up, along with my maternity pictures. Plus the rest of tax season will certainly keep me busy. I like staying busy because it gives me less time to focus on being worried or anxious.

One of the things that has been brought up recently is whether I would have a hard time delivering in the same hospital where I delivered our daughter.

Despite the horrible thing that happened, the staff was amazing and I have nothing but positive things to say about every single person that helped us through our loss at that hospital. I may have mentioned before that there was a nurse who specifically volunteered to come in when she learned of our situation and said that this is the reason why she became a nurse in this field. So, as horrible as the loss was, I don’t particularly have a bad association with the hospital or any of the staff there. This is also the same hospital where I delivered my son. Two very different experiences.

I feel like switching hospitals would just make things more complicated emotionally. No matter what, this delivery will be emotional in so many ways. It will bring back memories of my daughter’s delivery and I know some of the anxiety and fear that came along with it. It will also bring back memories of my son’s delivery and all of the happy moments that came along with that. Nothing about this pregnancy or delivery has been emotionally easy, but I feel like delivering at the same place will help bring some emotional closure in a way.

I remember the first time I had to go back to the hospital after I delivered her.

It was actually to go to the foot doctor, so something completely unrelated to the whole thing. I still had a lot of anxiety about going there because I was afraid I would break down and cry just being in the same building. And of course, as I got on the elevator to go up to my doctor’s office, there was a largely pregnant woman who got on with me and was holding her belly. I wanted to cry right there, but held it together.

I have been back to the hospital several times since then, both to see my old OB, my RE, and my new OB and have been okay since then. It’s all the simple little things that can just trigger you at times. Simply walking into a place where you had a bad thing happen or seeing a pregnant woman after you just lost your baby.

I want to deliver in the same hospital because I want to face and overcome the experience.

I will be bringing a new life into the world and I know her sister will be watching over her. I have done enough of trying to run away from my emotions and I also know that they are a good hospital and will take care of me. The whole process will be emotional no matter where I deliver, so might as well do it in a place that I trust. Plus, then all three of my babies will have been born in the same hospital.

I will leave you on a funny note. When I was in labor with my son, they wouldn’t let me eat. I could only have the standard ice chips or popsicles (which you know is not at all satisfying!).  They let my husband order breakfast and brought him in pancakes, which I could just smell the whole time. I think that was what made me the maddest the whole time. I laugh about it now, but I was so hungry at the time and was like why would they do this while I’m in labor??  Now that I know that I want to try and get some food in before I go to the hospital this next time!

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