I hit 24 weeks this past Sunday, which is what a lot of people refer to as “V-Day” or “Viability Day”. It’s the point at which, if the baby was born early, they have a chance at survival. It’s also the point in a pregnancy in which doctors might take life-saving measures to save the baby. In most pregnancies, you think of it as a positive milestone. Your baby is big enough to have a chance of surviving, which seems like great news. But when you have suffered a loss, that point in pregnancy isn’t really quite as comforting anymore because you know that things can still happen even after this point.
So, I accept the positive feelings that I get from reaching this point, but still have to acknowledge my fears that things can and do still happen later in pregnancy.
I was on a moms group for the city I live in and someone was on there complaining and freaking out about a chair they had ordered for the baby’s room not being delivered in time and the baby was due any day now. I couldn’t help but laugh about it, as weird as that sounds. Sometimes I wish for that blissful ignorance where all I had to worry about was if a chair was delivered in time. A chair is not essential for having a healthy baby. It makes your life more comfortable, but your baby won’t suffer any if you don’t have one.
All the women who have had a loss are worried about much bigger things.
Things like, will our baby survive or will we be subject to another loss? Will the next appointment show a problem? We aren’t really worrying about whether or not the baby furniture will be here in time. In fact, we are afraid to buy things or afraid that buying things will jinx the pregnancy in some way. I have finally pushed past the fear of buying things. We have her room almost completely ready to go. I ordered her name and some paper flowers to put on the wall and want to find a rug, but other than that, all the major items are ready to go. We have even started buying clothes and other things. It’s still a little scary, but with each day and each good appointment, I gain a little more confidence.
I have been feeling consistent movement for a few weeks now, and we can even see my stomach move with some of her kicks.
My husband can feel her on the outside now. All of this makes everything seem more real. I am officially only four weeks away from being in the third trimester. But, when I think in terms of weeks and months, I feel like I still have so long to go. I am 24 weeks, which means I have 16 more weeks, or four more months, to go. I feel like I have been pregnant so long already because of the anxiety that has come with this pregnancy. The first part seemed to go quickly, but now it just seems to drag. I just want her to be safely here so that I can hold her.
I was organizing the stuff in her room last week and had a lovey and a couple of stuffed animals I was going to put in one of the bins.
My son was in there with me and said that I couldn’t put them in the bin because she needed them in her bed to sleep with. And then, he lovingly placed each one down on her bed. My heart just melted right there. We had also gone to Target to buy some baby items and he said that his baby sister would need a toy to play with and picked out the perfect toy for her. I know he is going to be such a good big brother, and I can’t wait to see them interact. I just have to remind myself that I am more than halfway through the pregnancy and that everything is going well. So, I just hold on to that and know that I can make it the rest of the way through this!