We had another MFM appointment today at 22 weeks. My husband was not able to go with me today, so my mom and brother came. My mom was at a lot of the appointments with our angel daughter when my husband was not able to go, but my brother had never been to one before. I was excited that they were able to come with me to also provide support. I feel like I can’t go to an appointment by myself. Even after we get good news, I’m afraid to go alone. I don’t want to be alone and then that be the time I find out bad news.
Everything still looked fine at this appointment.
Still no signs of CDH, mosaic trisomy 15, or any other issues. I had mentioned in my last post that I was worried the MFM would release me after this appointment, but they are going to see me again. Not because anything is wrong, but just because they are going to follow me a bit longer and make sure everything is still okay. I had to ask for reassurance that if something was wrong, that we would likely find it by now. She said that the recurrence rate of trisomy 15 is extremely rare as it is and that yes, we would have likely seen something by this point if there had been something wrong this time. We even got a look in 3D and got a cute picture of her with her hands on her head.
A girl in another group I am in recently had her anatomy scan and found out that her baby has CDH.
I immediately reached out and told her that I had experience with this, as that was what our angel daughter had. My first instinct was that I need to help her, and I didn’t necessarily think of my feelings about it. As I thought about it, some of those old feelings about when we first got the diagnosis came flooding back. And the anger at some of the doctors I dealt with during that time. I don’t hold onto the anger, but it can definitely come back in a flash.
I knew exactly how this girl was feeling. It’s likely something she has never heard of before, as I had never heard of it. The doctors telling you usually have a bleak outlook on the diagnosis, and you are faced with so much uncertainty. After my loss, I made it my mission to help others going through a tough diagnosis or loss. I was lucky to have such a great support system of family and friends during everything we had to go through, but I know that not everyone has that. Some people shut down after bad news. Personally, I fight harder to prove the doctors wrong. I know I can’t always change the end result, but I definitely don’t go down without a fight. This girl, who I don’t even personally know, brought back a lot of these feelings for me.
I don’t really believe in coincidences and believe that everything tends to happen for a reason, even if we don’t always know what that reason is.
I found it so odd that this diagnosis would pop up in this group that I am in a month before our one year anniversary of losing our daughter. I feel like it happened now to also help me deal with some unresolved feelings that I have about our loss. The feelings that I pushed down because I didn’t want to deal with them. But I am also happy to be able to offer support and information for someone else facing the same thing I have faced.
My next MFM appointment actually falls on March 11, which is the exact day of the one year anniversary of our angel daughter being born. I hesitated when they said the date, and my voice kind of caught in my throat. But I scheduled the appointment for that morning. Like I said, nothing is a coincidence and if the next appointment falls on that date, then I think I am supposed to go on that day. Maybe it will be a healing appointment to go and see our angel daughter’s sister that particular day. I know our daughter is looking over us and looking over her sister.