Sarah’s Bump Day Blog, Week 13: Planning for the Baby

By |2018-12-11T20:22:35+00:00December 11th, 2018|13weeks, 1st Trimester, Bump Day Blog, Pregnancy|2 Comments

As of last Sunday, I am officially 13 weeks and almost out of the first trimester. Most people breathe a sense of relief after leaving the first trimester because that is supposedly when the miscarriage rates drop and also when some of the annoying first trimester symptoms start to go away. Even though I had a late term loss, I still look at the end of the first trimester as passing a milestone. I have several milestones to pass along the way. Even when I get past 32 weeks, which is when we lost her, I still will be afraid that something could happen and she won’t come home with us.

One of the most major milestones was last week with the NT Scan. As I have mentioned before, this was when they first found the signs of CDH with Jasmine. Her heart was on the wrong side and some of her organs had already pushed up into the chest cavity. They had us come back to confirm at 15 weeks. I have another appointment with the MFM on Monday, at 14 weeks, and am still terrified that they will find something they didn’t see on the 12 week scan.

I am trying to let myself believe that things really will be okay.

The MFM said that as of the last appointment, she looked like a normal baby. As of today, I have no reason to believe anything is wrong. I keep reminding myself of this. I was afraid to create a room for our first daughter after her diagnosis. We were facing a possibly very lengthy hospital stay in a different state and this played a factor in that as well. Then, when I finally felt ready to do it, we ended up losing her shortly after. I had decided I did not want to be afraid anymore and that I just wanted to remain positive that she would pull through all of this. I never actually hung anything up in the room that would have been hers, but I did buy decorations for it. With this second daughter, we are choosing to go ahead and start making a room for her.

I don’t want to be afraid. I don’t want all the joy taken away like it was last pregnancy.

We had a shower for our angel daughter and I received a lot of things for her. I couldn’t bare to throw them away, and we just boxed them up. I knew we would try again for another baby, but had no idea if the baby would be another girl or if I would ever get to use those items. This past weekend, I started going through the things we had for her. I was mainly looking to find the hardware for the crib, since we somehow lost that in the move. I did not end up finding the thing I was looking for!
My 4 year old son was in there while I was looking through everything. While he was in there, my son kept asking if the items were for baby Jasmine. I told him they are now for the new baby sister. It was hard to go through everything without imaging what Jasmine would have looked like wearing the clothes or headbands we received. Or how sweet she would have looked sleeping in the crib that was once my son’s. But I also allowed myself to look to the future and think about the new baby doing all of these things. A majority of the things we received, I plan to use on our second daughter. But there are a few things that I am going to set aside because it’s just too hard.
For instance, I received a Superman onesie for her that meant a lot to me. She was going to be facing some tough obstacles with her diagnosis and I liked that this would show the fighter in her. I know she was a fighter and would’ve fought hard to kick CDH. When I got to this item in the box, I just couldn’t put it with the rest of the clothes for the new baby. It’s something special that is just for Jasmine.

When I was thinking of decorating her room, I wanted to somehow incorporate a Jasmine flower somehow.

I want to include something that reminds us of her without having this baby live in her shadow. I still have a lot of time to go before this baby comes, so I have time to decide how the room will look, but I just feel the need to get started right away. To make plans for this baby to actually come home with us.
At one point, he asked me if he could hold his baby sister when she was born. It melted my heart. He never got the chance to hold his first baby sister. And I so want him to get the chance with this baby. He is going to be an amazing big brother and I can’t wait to see the interactions between them.
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About the Author:

Sarah Cox
Sarah Pruitt Cox lives in the Dallas, Texas area. She works full time as an accountant and tax preparer. She is the mother of a 4 year old son and three babies in Heaven. Sarah had trouble getting pregnant, but gave birth to a healthy baby boy named Nolan in 2014. Afterwards, getting pregnant was still a struggle. She had a chemical pregnancy in 2016, followed by a miscarriage in early 2017. Sarah became pregnant with her daughter, Jasmine Grace, in August of 2017. This was a rough pregnancy, and at the 13 week ultrasound they discovered that Jasmine had CDH (congenital diaphragmatic hernia). After an amnio was done a few months later, they discovered she also had mosaic trisomy 15.  Sarah and her husband had made plans to see a specialist in Florida, but the issues were too much for Jasmine and her heart stopped beating around 32 weeks. Sarah then had to deliver her, where she was born stillborn. She now wants to help other women who have experienced a life-changing loss like this and ensure that no one ever feels alone when going through this. Sarah has been writing about her loss through her blog Life is Stupidly Unfair: A Mom's Journey of Survival.

2 Comments

  1. Molly December 17, 2018 at 11:02 am - Reply

    Hi Sarah, I’m 14 weeks pregnant with a little boy after losing my daughter at full term this summer. I felt the same sense of relief getting past the first trimester, despite everything it does still feel like a milestone. I’m glad to see another PAL mom on the same pregnancy timeline as me and I look forward to following along with your journey, and keeping my fingers crossed for both of us!

    • Sarah Cox
      Sarah Cox December 17, 2018 at 11:10 am - Reply

      It is great knowing others who are at the same point in pregnancy! I am definitely thinking of you and hoping your pregnancy goes smoothly!

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