The Pride in Sharing Mother’s Day

By |2018-05-10T09:28:15+00:00May 7th, 2018|Parenting After Loss, Pregnancy|2 Comments

My son, C’s umbilical cord fell off on Mother’s Day 2013. To many, this is a disgusting fact to remember, let alone tell others. But to me, it was so packed with symbolism. You see, he was our first baby we actually were able to bring home after our seven losses. And he came to our family via adoption. So his losing his umbilical cord on Mother’s Day—his last physical tie to his birth mother—had all sorts of meaning to me.

On some levels, it felt like the passing of the baton, from one Mother to another.

But what I’ve learned in the time since that day, is that the baton is never really passed. It is held onto by both sides. I’m no more his “real” Mom than she is. We are two Mothers who love their son deeply. We are two Moms who know the pain of not having their children with them. We are different. We are the same.

There are many preconceived notions about adoption. Especially from those who have never experienced it. In fact, I’ll admit that my husband and I had ours when we first started the process. Even though my sister had placed her son for adoption, our main frame of reference were crazy “Lifetime-esque movies,” or how the media portrays it as an “us versus them” scenario. Through much education, and many questions and discussions, our mindset has evolved over time. The truth is, regardless of if there’s a relationship between birth parents and adoptive parents, there’s still a connection. Our son had a family before us, and that connection didn’t end because he joined ours. There is no us versus them.

For me, Mother’s Day is a time that is filled with great joy, and great sadness.

It is a day where I reflect on my children I am not able to parent, and enjoy those who are here with me. On some levels, Mother’s Day is just like any other day because these are the thoughts that are always on my mind.

And I know I’m not alone. I share Mother’s Day, and everyday with my son’s first Mom. I share these days with my friends who have lost their children. I share them with my sister whose son is not with her. I share them with all other PAL and loss Moms. I’m proud to share with these strong women, for it is because of this sharing that we are able to support and boost one another. At a time where things can feel so lonely, we stand together.

To all of the Moms out there, in whatever stage you are, I’m proud to stand alongside you.

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About the Author:

Erin Kuhn-Krueger
Erin Kuhn-Krueger is a 5x miscarriage survivor (including a daughter, Baby Krueger, at 16 weeks 6 days in April 2010), and a 2x stillbirth survivor (twins, Sarah and Benjamin, at 20 weeks 5 days in October 2012). After her 4th loss, Erin created the blog and resource portal, Will CarryOn, for those experiencing baby loss, and learning to live and survive life after loss. She writes from the heart, touching on oft-taboo subjects, showcasing the struggles, determination and hope that have kept her (and her husband) together, and moving forward. She believes the more people talk about baby loss, the less alone those walking a similar path will feel. Erin received a B.A. in Journalism and Mass Communication from Drake University where she studied advertising and marketing. She uses her personal experiences and marketing background to shape her advocacy work and community outreach in the adoption, loss and infertility arena. In addition to her writing, and speaking at support groups and conferences, Erin also works as the Community Outreach Director for The Blossom Method, a center providing therapeutic support and counseling for infertility, miscarriage, stillbirth, baby loss, pregnancy after loss, postpartum depression, and more. Erin and her husband, Aaron, live in the suburbs of Chicago, and are parents of three sons: C, by way of domestic adoption (May 2013), and J (August 2014) and E (September 2017), after successfully carrying two pregnancies to term. You can find her on Twitter, and follow Will CarryOn on Twitter and Facebook.

2 Comments

  1. Mom And Dad May 8, 2018 at 11:42 am - Reply

    And we are so proud of you, AA, and K 😘

  2. Jen May 14, 2018 at 4:30 pm - Reply

    Thank you for opening your heart and sharing your feelings and story to provide support to others. Your impact is profound. My first daughter was stillborn at 31 weeks, and I then became pregnant with triplets. One reabsorbed at 6 weeks, and then our sweet boy/girl twins were born too early at 17 and 18 weeks. I had my living 8 month old son with us this Mother’s Day, a day filled with so much joy and longing. Thank you and blessings to you and your beautiful family.

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