PregnancyAfterLossBillofRights

1) I have the right to grieve my child or children that have died and/or the previous pregnancies I have lost.

I have the right to be sad about my loss(es) during my current pregnancy.

2) I have the right to be scared, anxious and afraid. I already know what it is like to lose.

I know how it feels to have the “It will never happen to me” actually happen to me. I have already had the worst happen, and I know it could happen again. Please don’t diminish my reality by diminishing my fears.

3) I have the right to receive support. I need it now more than ever.

Especially from my family, friends, other bereaved and PAL moms, mental health providers, and my pregnancy care team.

4) I have the right to seek reassurance from others when needed.

I also have the right to turn down reassurance that others give me that I did not ask for and do not want to hear or believe at this time.

5) I have the right to be believed by health care providers.

I am the expert on my body, my baby, and this pregnancy, and my concerns should and will be taken seriously. If they are not taken seriously, I can and will find a doctor or midwife who will respect my experience and expertise of knowing myself and listen to my needs.

6) I have the right to plan for and have the birth experience I choose.

Be it a at home, hospital, or C-section birth, I have the right to plan and hope for the birth experience that I will find the most healing. I understand firsthand that life doesn’t always go according to plans, but I still have the right to plan for things being different this time.

7) I have the right to not attend baby showers, birthday parties, holidays and any other events that are triggering for me.

Declining an invitation to a baby shower during my pregnancy after loss is not self-centered or rude; it’s called self-preservation, which we all have a right to want and enact during our pregnancy after loss.

8) I have the right to feel joy and hope for this new life I carry inside of me.

I am free to hope that this child will bring me some sense of healing and joy back into my life.

9) I have the right to NOT be okay.

I have been through one of the worst experiences a person can go through; I have lost a child and the mothering of that child. Because of this I have earned the right to not be alright during this pregnancy after loss. If someone has a problem with that, then they might not be someone that can be in my life right now.

10) I have the right to remember my child(ern) that died and/or the previous pregnancy I have lost.

Just because I am expecting again does not mean I have stopped grieving all that I have lost.

11) I have the right to celebrate or not celebrate this pregnancy.

Pregnancy after loss is hard. It might be the hardest thing I have ever done after losing my child. I have the right to be confused about the dance of joy and grief that continually flows through me as I expect new life while grieving another.

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