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A Rainbow, Not A Replacement

When my first baby died, I was obsessed with getting pregnant as quickly as possible.  The grief was so intense, I felt so empty, and I’m not getting any younger.  I worried a lot about others thinking of this baby as replacing my first child, and truthfully I worried I might feel that way too. [...]

By |May 13th, 2016|6 Comments

14 Things No One Tells You About Bringing Home a Baby After Your Previous Baby Died

1. There will be triggers - Your new baby will be a trigger. I still have nights where Zoe, my baby born after a loss, falls asleep in my lap.  With her closed eyes and peaceful stance, she looks like her sister who never opened her eyes - just for a millisecond. It's terrifying and [...]

By |February 26th, 2016|10 Comments

Dear Courageous Mama…Pregnant with your Last Child after a Loss

Dear Courageous Mama...Pregnant with your Last Child after a Loss, Not that long ago,  I was you. I was standing where you are standing right now. I was pregnant with my rainbow baby, my LAST baby. I will not lie. As happy as I was, I was terrified too. Pregnancy after loss is not an easy [...]

By |February 12th, 2016|7 Comments

The Truth About Crying at My Baby Shower

I am not going to lie; I put on a damn good face at my baby shower. I smiled and laughed and talked about the baby. I rubbed my growing belly and discussed names with all of the guests. I was truly grateful for everything everyone did for us; I was just not in a [...]

By |February 2nd, 2016|7 Comments

9 Things I’m Not Doing During My Pregnancy After Loss (and that’s Okay)

During my subsequent pregnancies I have often felt like “I should” being doing this or “I should” be feeling that, which I find ironic. I tell other mothers who are pregnant after loss to be kind with themselves. There are no “shoulds” in pregnancy after loss, or as we say in my work, “Don’t ‘should’ [...]

By |January 26th, 2016|20 Comments