Imagine being excited about something in your life. Something that you’ve already done but it’s different this time around because you have more experience and you just loved doing it the first time that you knew the second time around would be amazing!
You are so excited and confident it’s going to turn out even better because you’ve done it before. So that sort of makes you a know it all, right?
Since you are so confident you just tell everyone you know about it!
You are beaming! You celebrate every single step you take to get there. You don’t take it for granted, but you aren’t newbie so you feel like you know what to expect.
Some people aren’t too happy for you, but you don’t care. You know this is what you want. So, instead of building you up and celebrating, they are talking behind your back and trying to bring you down.
But you don’t care because you are the happiest you have ever been in your life. Your life is going as planned, and you are proud of it.
Finally, the big day comes.
You are so so happy you can’t even sleep. Things feel different, but this time around you weren’t doing things exactly how you did the first time, so you really weren’t sure what was happening.
Your journey to a happy ending is almost here! You go to collect knowing that you will have to put in the hard work but at the end it’ll be worth it. You are at the finish line you can almost taste it! Oh the joy…and then BOOOM!!! Every thing goes crazy!
Someone, hit the pause button.
There is silence, a deafening silence that only God knows.
Your happy ending is ripped away from you. Instead, you are stuck with the worse ending you have ever had to deal with. The type of ending in a book that you are like, “Wait, what just happened?” and decide to google to see what does this ending mean and if there is an alternate ending. Then you find out that this isn’t the ending. This is the beginning of a new chapter that you have no idea how you are going to survive. You have no control over this. You don’t even know what to do because you have yet to know anything about it. But, you are expected to still not only live BUT also smile, say you are okay, be kind, participate with other humans, hide how you really feel, simply continue your life as if nothing has happened.
Yup, that’s what pregnancy loss feels like….