Life With Noah: With Hopeful Hearts

By |2017-05-19T12:21:42+00:00May 19th, 2017|Parenting After Loss, TTC|0 Comments


Hope.  A word with four little letters, yet it’s played such a huge role in my journey to grow my family.

Hope that the mass on my ovary wasn’t a big deal.  (It wasn’t, although it was the first sign of my PCOS)

Hope that the mass in the front of my husband’s brain wasn’t malignant.  (It wasn’t, although it was the reason my husband wasn’t producing sperm)

Hope that the medication my husband was given to reduce the mass of the tumor would do so. (It did, although the side-effects were sometimes so hard on him)

Hope that reducing the mass of the tumor would allow his body to produce the right hormones in the right proportions for him to start producing sperm (It did)

Hope that we would be able to successfully conceive via IVF/ICSI (We did)

Hope that we would be able to conceive again after the loss of our firstborn (We did)

Hope that I would heal enough from the complications during my pregnancy with our rainbow that it would be safe for us to attempt another pregnancy (I did)

Hope that our first frozen embryo transfer would be successful (It was not)


And here we are, with our amazing 18 month old rainbow, still full of hope.

Hope that the embryo we transferred just two days ago will “stick” (in layman’s terms) and that my next post for PALS will be the one in which we announce that we are expecting our second rainbow.


I’ve been asked by several people lately how I’ve been able to remain hopeful through everything we’ve been through (not just related to family-building).  And my honest answer is “I just have.” There are many reasons I am still hopeful that we will be successful in having another biological child: My faith, the support of my family and friends.  During some of the darkest days of my life, two quotes regarding hope have always been so special to me:  Once you choose hope, anything’s possible (Christopher Reeve) and Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness (Desmond Tutu).  Because even in my darkest days, choosing hope has led to some incredible blessings.

So here’s to hope.

My amazing little 18 month old bubble-fiend.

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About the Author:

Kristen Paul
Kristen Paul currently lives in Southern Maryland with her husband Darrell, and their two year-old rainbow, Noah, and their two cats. After discovering that their failure to conceive was due to both female and male factors, Kristen and her husband were elated when they became pregnant in March 2014 on their very first cycle of IVF with ICSI. In June of 2014, they were thrilled to find that they were having a healthy baby boy; after a perfect anatomy scan at 20 weeks, 2 days gestation, they expected to welcome their son in early December. Just 10 days after the anatomy scan, Kristen delivered their son, William Edward Paul, at just 21 weeks, 5 days gestation due to cervical insufficiency. Kristen had a transabdominal cerclage placed in late December of 2014; in March 2015, she underwent a second fresh IVF/ICSI cycle and became pregnant again. After a difficult pregnancy, Kristen delivered their rainbow, Noah, at 35+4 weeks gestation. She and Darrell and now happily raising a toddler and working on making him a big brother. Kristen may be contacted at

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