Life With Noah: Because of Hope

By |2017-09-22T10:55:16+00:00September 22nd, 2017|Parenting After Loss, TTC|0 Comments

A couple of months ago, I was shopping for a baby gift for a friend when I bumped into a pair of little grey fleece footie pajamas with clouds and airplanes on them.  Everything about those pajamas made me smile; the smallness (despite the fact that they would have been huge on Noah when he was born), the softness (so soft), the pattern (my maternal grandfather was a pilot and my husband engineers jets, so planes have a special place in my heart).  I ended up buying them, and another little outfit that I just couldn’t resist.

A few days later, as I was packing a box to send to my friend, I found myself a bit wistful about the idea of sending her the pajamas.  I left the box open on the table, and when my husband got home from work, I told him how much I loved the pajamas and how much I wanted to keep them – after all, we’re not done trying to have another baby.  I’m not sure what I was expecting – or hoping, perhaps – for him to say, but what he said brought tears to my eyes…

“We should keep them.  Because of hope.”

Because of hope, the little grey footie pajamas with clouds and airplanes on them are hanging in the closet in the nursery.

Because of hope, we bought a beautiful piece of art last weekend that we truly believe will hang in the nursery some day.

Because of hope, we started a fresh IVF/ICSI cycle earlier this month.

After all, it’s because of hope – that we would be able to conceive again after the devastating loss of our firstborn, that my body would be able to carry a pregnancy long enough to bring a baby home in our arms instead of an urn –  that we have an amazing 22 month old named Noah, who is the light of our lives and makes us want to have another child to love as much as we love him.


Because of hope…

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About the Author:

Kristen Paul
Kristen Paul currently lives in Southern Maryland with her husband Darrell, and their two year-old rainbow, Noah, and their two cats. After discovering that their failure to conceive was due to both female and male factors, Kristen and her husband were elated when they became pregnant in March 2014 on their very first cycle of IVF with ICSI. In June of 2014, they were thrilled to find that they were having a healthy baby boy; after a perfect anatomy scan at 20 weeks, 2 days gestation, they expected to welcome their son in early December. Just 10 days after the anatomy scan, Kristen delivered their son, William Edward Paul, at just 21 weeks, 5 days gestation due to cervical insufficiency. Kristen had a transabdominal cerclage placed in late December of 2014; in March 2015, she underwent a second fresh IVF/ICSI cycle and became pregnant again. After a difficult pregnancy, Kristen delivered their rainbow, Noah, at 35+4 weeks gestation. She and Darrell and now happily raising a toddler and working on making him a big brother. Kristen may be contacted at

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