Dear Mama on the Path of Pregnancy after Loss

By |2018-02-05T16:00:48+00:00February 8th, 2018|Love Letters, PAL Fifth Annual Love Letters|0 Comments

Dear Mama on the Path of Pregnancy after Loss,

I sit here in the middle of the night, writing to you, because I know you are likely up too.

I know how it feels. I felt those feelings too. I still feel those feelings. You are not alone.

You are a warrior. If you have never considered it before, know that you are. You have suffered the ultimate loss, yet here you are, putting one foot in front of the other. Letting your hope guide you through the anxiety and the fear, and ultimately, letting the love you have for your baby(ies) see you through the darkness.

Wherever you are on the path, trying to conceive and waiting for that test to pop up “pregnant” or the dreaded “not pregnant”, pregnant and attempting to make your way through what may seem like the longest 9 months of your life, or parenting your rainbow after experiencing such a life altering and heartbreaking loss- I see you.

I see you cringe when strangers ask you how many babies you have, or if you will have another. I see your dazed look when your mind wanders to another time when there was nothing but bliss and a naive idea that being pregnant automatically means you get a healthy baby.

I hold space for you. In my heart, in my mind, I know where you have been.

You are not alone. And you are supported by the experiences of the women before you and the women after you who have walked down this path.

We know. And we see you and all of your babies, whether they be earthside, or watching over you from the stars.

You are loved Mama.

With love,

Luca’s Mama, Carla

 

*Photo by Uroš Jovičić on Unsplash

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About the Author:

Carla Grossini-Concha
Carla Grossini-Concha is a native New Yorker, living in Southern California with her wife and daughter. She lost her first child, Luca D'oro, a day after he was born at full term, after having a completely beautiful and joyful pregnancy. 18 months after Luca's death, Carla gave birth to their rainbow baby, after having a high risk and anxiety-filled pregnancy. She writes to clear her mind, and to help other families who have felt the deep and complicated trauma associated with infant loss, to not feel alone. She completed her Yoga Teacher Training in 2013 just a few months after Luca passed, and has found her yoga practice to be so healing in her journey through grief. She shares about her journey after losing Luca, on Loving Luca and on Instagram @lucadorosmom.

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