The Space Between

The space between here and there. The time between then and now. The distance between him and us. When your world feels incomplete, always. There is forever a feeling of missing. There is always a person missing. There is always, your child, missing. There is always everything that you didn’t get to experience with that [...]

By | 2017-11-22T14:51:26+00:00 November 22nd, 2017|Parenting After Loss, TTC|0 Comments

Open

I don't nonchalantly want to get pregnant. I really really want to get pregnant. Every part of who I am wants to have a little baby. I want to be pregnant, I want to feel that my body is round and huge and gorgeous with baby. I want to give birth. I want to be [...]

By | 2017-10-25T12:43:25+00:00 October 24th, 2017|TTC|0 Comments

Life With Noah: Holding on to Hope

It's been a hectic month in the Paul household.  As I mentioned in last month's post, we started a fresh IVF cycle, which meant a lot of *very* early morning back and forth trips to my monitoring location (an hour and a half - each way - from our home); we also took Noah to [...]

By | 2017-10-19T21:48:22+00:00 October 19th, 2017|Parenting After Loss, TTC|0 Comments

Life With Noah: Because of Hope

A couple of months ago, I was shopping for a baby gift for a friend when I bumped into a pair of little grey fleece footie pajamas with clouds and airplanes on them.  Everything about those pajamas made me smile; the smallness (despite the fact that they would have been huge on Noah when he was [...]

By | 2017-09-22T10:55:16+00:00 September 22nd, 2017|Parenting After Loss, TTC|0 Comments

The Stages of Crazy: Trying to Conceive After a Loss

Trying to Conceive can be a crazy adventure for any mother. It can drive a woman crazy. The whole process comes with its ups and downs, its joys and its woes, before you even have the help of pregnancy hormones. It can feel like you're running after something that is constantly just out of reach... [...]

By | 2017-09-19T07:33:10+00:00 September 19th, 2017|Pregnancy, TTC|1 Comment

When are you ready?

I lost my daughter Naomi at nearly 19 weeks through a "perfect storm" of medical issues that threatened my life. I had been hospitalized with unmanageable abdominal pain unrelated to my pregnancy, only to have my baby born sleeping, followed by emergency surgery the next day.  I was sicker than I had ever been in [...]

By | 2017-06-16T07:36:03+00:00 June 16th, 2017|Emotional Health, TTC|0 Comments

Life With Noah: With Hopeful Hearts

  Hope.  A word with four little letters, yet it's played such a huge role in my journey to grow my family. Hope that the mass on my ovary wasn't a big deal.  (It wasn't, although it was the first sign of my PCOS) Hope that the mass in the front of my husband's brain [...]

By | 2017-05-19T12:21:42+00:00 May 19th, 2017|Parenting After Loss, TTC|0 Comments

Learning to celebrate Mother’s Day

I had a whole lot of hard Mother's Days and one good one from the time we started trying to have children until the time our rainbow baby was born. Mother's Day the first year we were trying to get pregnant was not too bad. After all, everyone knows that it may take a little [...]