“You Got Your Boy!” Gender and Spirit in Pregnancy After Loss

Tracy with her second rainbow, Holden Matthew My firstborn was stillborn and his name was Brayden. When the doctor had told us his gender at an ultrasound appointment just weeks earlier, my husband Matt and I looked at each other and smiled. So many hopes and dreams had filled that moment. I spoke [...]

The Days that Everything Changed

I was working at a trade show in New York on September 11, 2001. Far enough away that I wasn't physically impacted by the devastation, but close enough to see the smoke coming from the Towers, the emergency response vehicles in motion, and the panic and fear in everyone around me. We left the Javits [...]

Postpartum Nesting

Photo by Echo Grid on Unsplash When people hear that newborns sleep between 16-18 hours a day, there is a common misconception that this occurs all at once, or in longer chunks than the realistic 2-3 hours (maybe once a day a stretch of 4 hours, if you’re lucky!). There is the idea that postpartum is [...]

Thank You for Sharing your Stories through #IAmPALS

Photo of "Stitch" taken by Margaret Belanger I have the incredible honor of working with loss mamas from all over the world. They entrust me with their stories, and I consider it one of the greatest privileges of my life to hold those stories and their babies (living and not) with them. Last [...]

The Boy Who is the Same Age

Photo credit: Sublime Photo Art My best friend’s sister was due with her first child, a boy, in October 2014. I was due with my first child, also a boy, in September 2014. After my son was stillborn at 24 weeks gestation in May, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t [...]

How Rainbow Pregnancies Have Impacted My Loss Anniversary

Today is the fourth anniversary of the day my son was stillborn. In some ways it feels like it was just yesterday that I held him, and in other ways it seems like it was a lifetime ago. Adding to the emotions of that life-changing hello and heartbreaking goodbye at 24 weeks is that his [...]

Rebecca’s Bump Day Blog, Week 30: A First Birthday

April 1st was one of the first days I checked on a calendar after I learned I was pregnant last fall. April 1st would be the first anniversary of my son Arthur’s birth and death. I wanted to know how far along I would be if this pregnancy lasted. 30 weeks. That seemed good, it [...]

Where Do I Fit In?

Guest Post by Melissa Ayala I knew this was going to be a problem. I wondered if I'd fit in. I knew somewhere the conversation was going to turn uncomfortable for me. I knew that part of the reason I felt extra emotional (on top of all the postpartum hormones) was because of Christmas and [...]

By |2018-03-28T19:37:33+00:00March 28th, 2018|Parenting After Loss, The First Year|1 Comment

Things I May Never Tell My Rainbow Baby

Guest Post by Christie Abbott As parents we do our best to cushion every fall, kiss every bruise, and mend every heart break, all while praying for the ability to take every ounce of pain our children feel in this world away. I believe this is true for all parents, but more so loss parents [...]

By |2018-03-27T19:45:07+00:00March 27th, 2018|Parenting After Loss, The First Year|0 Comments

My Body the Rockstar

There were many years that I didn't like my body. I'm not talking the average my thighs are too big, my boobs aren't big enough, variety. Rather the "How could you do this to me?" and "How could you fail me and let me down time and time again?" Then there was the physical toll [...]