I am holding my infant son just before his bedtime while my three year old daughter lays nearby, awake but sleepy. When I was ‘playing house’ with my dolls in a wooden play house that my dad built, all I wanted was to be here, to have this. When I was in junior high making [...]
"It's not fair!" "How come this keeps happening?" "Why me?" These are a few of the less graphic questions I asked the Universe when trying for our family. Wallowing in self-pity was easy to do. As was--I'm ashamed to admit--questioning why others "deserved" their family. Pregnancy loss messes with your mind in every way imaginable. [...]
Photo by Susana Coutinho on Unsplash Moments during Pregnancy “Please, baby, move. Let me know you’re there,” were the words I whisper to her through my third trimester belly upon waking anxiously from a deep sleep. Intuitively I knew two or three hours of slumber had passed where I was not aware of Zoe’s movements, so [...]
There's fewer things better than going from "When will we ever..." to "We finally get to..." when it comes to life after loss. Some of these are huge, from getting matched for an adoption, to getting pregnant again, to parent a living child. Most others, however, are the small day-to-day, sometimes mundane activities that most [...]
Guilt. It can paralyze us. Or is can push us into action. Guilt can show up when we are acting in a way that doesn’t sync with our values. Or guilt can be like a parasite living in our shadows and sucking up our energy, our times, and our self-worth. Photo by Katie Emslie on Unsplash [...]
Noah started preschool - half a day, twice a week - earlier this month. We didn't take the decision to enroll him in preschool lightly; he's not even three years old, and the idea of him starting school was, quite honestly, a bit terrifying to me. Truthfully, we went back and forth as to whether [...]
Photo: Sublime Photo Art Some parents and caregivers love babywearing. Some do not. Some babies love to be worn in a wrap or a baby carrier, some strongly dislike it. But for me with my rainbows, babywearing has been incredibly meaningful and in some ways even healing. Four years ago, my mom and [...]
Imagine being excited about something in your life. Something that you’ve already done but it’s different this time around because you have more experience and you just loved doing it the first time that you knew the second time around would be amazing! You are so excited and confident it’s going to turn out even [...]
Photo by Carolyn V on Unsplash It was President Reagan who first recognized October as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month in 1988. Five or six years later, the International Wave of Light began as a way to stretch love and awareness over the world for 24 hours. You may or may not remember these dates. [...]
When my baby died, everything changed. Suddenly, the path I had planned to walk was blocked. I couldn't continue down that path, no matter how much I longed to. I was jarringly set on a new path. It was bare, empty, and callous. Each rock dug into my aching feet. Over my shoulder, I could [...]
