Toxic Loss

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the role of gender in our society. In some cultures, gender is constructed as far more fluid than it is in the mainstream United States, where it tends to be seen as existing as a binary (either male or female). This blog has explored the meaning of gender [...]

Countering Guilt in Pregnancy (and Motherhood) After Loss

When I first meet a client who is pregnant I am prepared to hear about their discomfort, nausea, fears about labor, and worries about the baby’s development. When I meet a client who is newly pregnant after a loss, I am also prepared to hear about guilt. There is often guilt about having wanted to [...]

Finding an OB After Pregnancy Loss: 8 Ways You Need Their Support

Dear OB after pregnancy loss, Before we make this “relationship” official, I have a confession. I know my paperwork has already informed you that my number of pregnancies does not equal the number of babies who made it to viability. This gravida/parity equation is simple to read, but carries nuances that can be hard to [...]

By |2018-08-19T19:14:02+00:00August 19th, 2018|1st Trimester, For Professionals, Pregnancy, TTC|0 Comments

Death by Delivery: Know the Risks

You probably saw the headlines, and if you’re a mom pregnant after loss in the US, (or any pregnant mom really!) they probably frightened you. USA Today did an investigative reporting piece on why the maternal mortality rate in the US is so high. The disturbing news is that approximately 700 women in the United [...]

The Grieving Body: A Body Without a Baby

Photo by Danielle MacInnes on Unsplash After a miscarriage or stillbirth the body grieves. There is the emotional and spiritual pain of loss as well as living in a no-longer pregnant body. Depending on the length of the pregnancy the reflection in the mirror may appear suspended between being pregnant and not being pregnant. Caring for [...]

Dear Healthcare Professionals: Lessons from a Loss Mama

My friend, a fellow loss mama, whose daughter had a fatal diagnosis in the womb was told by the doctor that she wouldn’t want to see her daughter and certainly shouldn’t let her other children meet their sister because “she will look like a monster.” Today, I had a doctors appointment for a sleep study. [...]

How long will this feeling of anxiety last?

It should probably come as no surprise that women in pregnancy after loss (PAL) have higher rates of anxiety and depression during their pregnancy than women who’ve never been pregnant before or women who have never had pregnancy loss. There’s been plenty of research that about 20-25% of women in PAL have anxiety, and another [...]

Communication & Empathy

As a mother who has experienced miscarriage, my empathy towards new mothers is different than that of someone without children of their own, or who has never had a loss. My nursing practice isn't necessarily better, but I tend to notice different elements of my postpartum patient than other nurses. I sometimes understand why the [...]

By |2018-03-05T08:57:02+00:00March 5th, 2018|Birth, For Professionals, From Professionals|0 Comments

The Body in Pregnancy After Loss: The Additional Weight of Grief

When my clients become pregnant again after a pregnancy loss, they often express some degree of dissatisfaction with their weight. They tell me that they never got back to their “starting weight,” the number on the scale at the beginning of the first pregnancy. They express disappointment about this and fear about the weight they [...]

When Breastfeeding Sucks: D-MER After Loss

The breastfeeding relationship can be one of great significance to the mother. When there has been a pregnancy or neonatal loss, breastfeeding one’s subsequent child can take on even more meaning. But when the mother encounters difficulties, expected or unexpected, there is a potential for psychological consequences, including depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and a subjective [...]