The Emotional Experience Surrounding Genetic Testing in Pregnancy After Loss After 40

I’ve been “advanced maternal age” for all of my pregnancies except the first one. Then I was 33, but I lost my daughter just shy of my 34th birthday. My subsequent pregnancies were then at 35, 37, and 39.  I’m currently expecting again at 42. Once you hit your forties, genetic testing isn’t just recommended, [...]

By |2019-01-10T10:50:40+00:00January 10th, 2019|Emotional Health, Pregnancy|0 Comments

My Rainbow Baby Survived My Womb, But Sometimes I Still Get Scared

Unborn babies are generally categorized as the most vulnerable of human beings, and for good reason. They are, after all, the smallest humans who are in the very beginning stages of development, therefore making them more susceptible to harm. Photo by Zach Lucero on Unsplash But mothers who have experienced loss in any [...]

By |2018-12-31T16:59:32+00:00December 31st, 2018|Emotional Health, Parenting After Loss, Uncategorized|2 Comments

The Case for Seeing a Therapist During Pregnancy after Loss

I was talking to a friend recently about my current pregnancy. It’s my fifth pregnancy, but my fourth after loss. I had just passed the gestational age at which I lost my daughter, Lily, and I was telling my friend how hard it was again to make it through that time. It seemed silly to [...]

By |2018-12-12T20:28:26+00:00December 12th, 2018|Emotional Health, Pregnancy|0 Comments

The Other PAL: Patience. Assistance. Love (and Learning).

What comes up when you think about pregnancy after loss (PAL)? For many of us, it is fear, anxiety, worry, and wonder, all wrapped up in excitement, hope and yearning. But does it have to focus on the negative and scary? OK, bear with me now. I know you're thinking, easy for you to say, [...]

Clinging to Hope at Christmastime

My first Christmas after loss was a difficult one, full of conflicting feelings. I felt immense sorrow for the baby who was gone and immense fear for the baby who had since been conceived. I remember gathering with family that year, the hustle and bustle of a house overflowing with people just background noise to [...]

Supporting a bereaved parent during the Holidays (and every day)

Supporting someone who is bereaved can be incredibly challenging—a different kind of challenging from managing the grief. Most people feel ill-equiped to be around someone else that is grieving. It makes them feel awkward and helpless (two feelings that human beings don’t do particularly well with). Automatically, their nurturing instinct kicks in with the drive [...]

Feeling Joy Doesn’t Mean We’ve Forgotten

Oberon in hospice care - December 10, 2014 - always loved, always remembered I've seen it again and again - loss parents struggling with guilt. Parenting after loss is riddled with guilt, this ever-present undercurrent of our days. Those moments when we find ourselves giggling at something online, laughing wholeheartedly at our living [...]

By |2018-11-20T20:06:33+00:00November 20th, 2018|Emotional Health, Parenting After Loss|0 Comments

Tips from PAL Moms: Joining a Pregnancy after Loss Support Group

Tips from PAL (pregnant after loss) Moms is a column at PALS Magazine where we ask you, the PAL mom, for feedback about your experience during pregnancy after loss. We ask a question on our Facebook Page and hope that you can help answer it while also benefiting from the answers, all in an effort [...]

Therapy is optional: 4 ways to support grievers without pushing therapy

Bandelier National Monument Therapy is great. Therapy can be life-giving and life-saving and a necessary coping mechanism for surviving loss. Short term, long term, sporadic… couples, individual, group… there are a ton of options for folks to find something that helps. I am pro therapy for anyone and everyone who wants it. No [...]

Toxic Loss

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the role of gender in our society. In some cultures, gender is constructed as far more fluid than it is in the mainstream United States, where it tends to be seen as existing as a binary (either male or female). This blog has explored the meaning of gender [...]