Tips from PAL Moms: Joining a Pregnancy after Loss Support Group

Tips from PAL (pregnant after loss) Moms is a column at PALS Magazine where we ask you, the PAL mom, for feedback about your experience during pregnancy after loss. We ask a question on our Facebook Page and hope that you can help answer it while also benefiting from the answers, all in an effort [...]

Therapy is optional: 4 ways to support grievers without pushing therapy

Bandelier National Monument Therapy is great. Therapy can be life-giving and life-saving and a necessary coping mechanism for surviving loss. Short term, long term, sporadic… couples, individual, group… there are a ton of options for folks to find something that helps. I am pro therapy for anyone and everyone who wants it. No [...]

Toxic Loss

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the role of gender in our society. In some cultures, gender is constructed as far more fluid than it is in the mainstream United States, where it tends to be seen as existing as a binary (either male or female). This blog has explored the meaning of gender [...]

Why I Love to Babywear My Rainbow

Photo: Sublime Photo Art Some parents and caregivers love babywearing. Some do not. Some babies love to be worn in a wrap or a baby carrier, some strongly dislike it. But for me with my rainbows, babywearing has been incredibly meaningful and in some ways even healing. Four years ago, my mom and [...]

I had a blighted ovum

I had a blighted ovum. What the heck is that anyway? This isn’t actually a medical term, but is used commonly to describe what happens when sperm meets egg and…nothing. A little egg sac develops, but nothing inside. I can’t say it was a baby, because it most definitely wasn’t. No heartbeat. No growth. Nothing [...]

8 Things You Have Permission to Do as a Parenting After Loss Mom

After a rainbow baby is born, loss moms might feel obligated to parent by a certain set of standards. We may feel pressure from society and from ourselves to do things a certain way. There is a sense that we should ignore the fact that one of our babies died. It can feel like we [...]

By |2018-10-01T20:49:21+00:00October 1st, 2018|Emotional Health, Parenting After Loss|0 Comments

Purple Hearts and Battle Scars

I met a nice woman recently while I was on vacation and we chatted about our lives. When I told her what I do for a living—working with people who are suffering from infertility and pregnancy loss—she told me declaratively that stillbirth doesn’t happen anymore. I corrected her and told her that grieving women and [...]

Loss in the rearview mirror: Does time heal all wounds?

Photo by A. L. on Unsplash I have some feelings about the adage “time heals all wounds.” When I was fresh after loss, this felt like something others said to placate me because how does the wound of losing a child ever heal? Increasingly, I’ve learned through my own experience that while time might not erase [...]

By |2018-09-23T20:07:01+00:00September 20th, 2018|Emotional Health, Parenting After Loss|0 Comments

How remembering your baby helps you bond with the next one

For too many women pregnant after a loss, there’s suddenly all this pressure to focus on the baby you have in your womb while ignoring or forgetting the one who came before. We have all known people who say: “You must be so happy you can put the past behind you!” or “So glad to [...]

By |2018-09-18T20:58:00+00:00September 18th, 2018|Emotional Health|0 Comments

Countering Guilt in Pregnancy (and Motherhood) After Loss

When I first meet a client who is pregnant I am prepared to hear about their discomfort, nausea, fears about labor, and worries about the baby’s development. When I meet a client who is newly pregnant after a loss, I am also prepared to hear about guilt. There is often guilt about having wanted to [...]