Pregnancy after Loss as a See-Saw

As a kid, a popular playground activity was the see-saw: a simplistic device that promotes relationships and excitement. We would take turns going up and down in either a rhythmic way or erratically to promote the most thrills. I loved the metronome-like quality of it as it was almost hypnotic for me. Recently, I began [...]

When It Happens Again

It was during an early morning visit to the bathroom that I realized I had lost my first baby. I was bleeding and it was red—the 2 things that bring terror to a pregnant woman’s heart. That moment became a snapshot that was burned into my memory—holding the blood-soaked toilet paper. When I became pregnant [...]

By | 2017-08-17T07:18:31+00:00 August 17th, 2017|1st Trimester, Loss After Loss, Pregnancy|2 Comments

“A Person’s A Person No Matter How Small,” Dr Seuss – My First Trimester Loss

I was six weeks along. There was not yet a gasp and smile at the sound of the heartbeat. There was not yet a tear at the first sight of the bean on the ultrasound. There was not yet a name assigned. There was no cramping. There was just blood. In the middle of the [...]

What’s “Normal” (anxiety) Anyway?

It is normal to be a little anxious about a first pregnancy: the sensations are new, it might bring up normal concerns about what will your parenting look like, and overall, it is a novel experience that you don’t have anything to compare it with as a reference. What is normal in a pregnancy after [...]

She Said Their Names

  “Lavender and Pine,” I said in a sort of disbelief that the moment was happening. For so long I had anticipated the moment I would tell our oldest daughter about her heaven-siblings. I looked forward to the day I would share their names with her and talk about their lives. It was impossible to [...]

The Post-Mother’s Day Exhalation

For a loss mom, there is no day that is so communally terrifying as Mother’s Day. It is the day where you feel like you were almost invited to the party that all of the “cool kids” get to go to. It’s the day that can feel like an obligation—to celebrate your own mother (if [...]

Storytellers

  The first time I walked through those hospital doors…it didn't feel real. But the extreme pain my body was experiencing kept my mind tied to reality. This was happening. My late-night ER visit was for reasons that every pregnant woman dreads—blood and pain. So much pain. The first time I walked through those hospital [...]

By | 2017-05-18T12:15:46+00:00 May 18th, 2017|1st Trimester, Pregnancy, Uncategorized|0 Comments

What’s in A Name? A Different View to Naming

At a recent conference, I had the good fortune to run into my friend and colleague (as well as fellow PALS Contributor), Dr. Deborah Simmons. We started a conversation about expectations after loss, and were very interested in some of the perceived rules that seem to follow. From this, we came upon the idea of [...]

Laura’s Bump Day Blog, Week 9: The Dream (or, Why I Don’t Tell)

We’ve hit that point – 9 weeks, 2 scans down, and family that really should be told. My mother-in-law visited this weekend and we put a ‘Big Bro’ t-shirt on my rainbow, toasted over dinner, and talked eagerly about holiday plans with a new baby. I smiled in anticipation, as I do allow myself to [...]

By | 2017-04-03T10:03:12+00:00 April 3rd, 2017|1st Trimester, Bump Day Blog|1 Comment