I’m not usually one to tell others what they “should” do. I actually don’t like the word. So maybe instead let’s call this list 5 Things Every PAL Mom Deserves to Do For Herself. It’s not as catchy of a title, but a least now you know the tips below are more of suggestions than expectations. Take or leave whatever you like. No pressure really. That’s the last thing I want a PAL mom to feel. You have enough stress already.
Say no – During this stressful time, it’s okay to say no! Set boundaries around your feelings and your pregnancy. If you need to, say no to baby showers. This can be your own shower or those of others. Let others know your expectations around discussing your current pregnancy. Be willing to adjust your schedule and limit your time doing things if it seems too emotionally overwhelming right now. It’s okay to just say no.
Pamper yourself – I can’t think of anyone more deserving of practicing self-care and pampering than the mom pregnant again after a loss. You have been through hard stuff, and you are currently doing a really hard thing by being pregnant again after your previous baby died. Feel free to take care of you. Get an extra massage, make it a point to treat yourself to a daily sweet, or cut back on your work schedule and house expectations. Whatever it is, feel free to pamper yourself. I give you permission.
Break up with Dr. Google – That’s right ladies, it’s time to break it off with your old BFF Dr. Google! Searching for answers on the Internet to calm your fears usually doesn’t work the way we would like it too. It often makes the anxiety of pregnancy after loss worse. Did you know Dr. Google really doesn’t hold a medical degree? Why trust its advice when it might be more helpful to call your own doctor or nurse with your concerns, and you will be able to chat with someone who knows your story and could actually help!
Give yourself permission to do what you feel is right – A mother’s intuition is a strong thing. Right now is a time to tune into you, baby, and that intuition of yours to figure out and listen to what you need. Oftentimes as women and mothers we don’t give ourselves permission to listen to and follow the advice our intuition is whispering to us. Now is the time to hear your inner voice and to do what you need to do to get through this pregnancy, one day at a time.
Advocate for you and your baby’s needs – You know your body and your baby better than anyone else. If you believe that you need to go into the clinic to get something checked out or to do an extra NST that week, then don’t hesitate to go. It’s better you go in to reduce your anxiety by having something looked at and getting reassurance than to worry. Advocating for your health and the health of the baby is not being “silly” or overly anxious, it’s just being a good mom.