23 Things I Wish Someone Told Me About Pregnancy After Loss

23Thingsfinal

1. That TTC after a loss is heartbreaking. It’s different this time around. You got pregnant in the past, but you aren’t sure if you will get pregnant again. Also, it’s no longer ‘fun’ when you are trying. It’s work. Sex seems like means to an end and it’s hard to enjoy because in your head your thinking, “will this time be it?” Then you have to wait two weeks to even see if you are or you aren’t. And if you aren’t pregnant, well, grief comes back in full force. You feel defeated and like you failed. The worst part is you then wait another two weeks to try again and start the whole torturous cycle over again.

2. The excitement of getting a positive pregnancy test may turn to indifference. It might sound strange, but when the pee stick had two lines instead of one, I didn’t jump up and down for joy. I actually stared at it in disbelief. First, I didn’t believe that I actually was pregnant again. Second, when I did let the realization that I was pregnant again sink in, it was as if fear decided to barge through the door. Anxiety swells up and all I could think of is “Do I really have to do this again” and “Can I really do this again?”

3. You might consistently check for blood on your panties. It might sound strange, but having to go pee is a terrifying experience. Every time you pull down your pants you mentally prepare yourself to see spots of blood in your panties. There is no way around this. It just is.

4. Morning sickness becomes your best friend. The minute my stomach started to settle during the first trimester was the moment my anxiety would ramp up as I thought to myself, “Something is wrong. Why don’t I feel nauseous anymore?” Immediately thinking my baby must have died. When the waves of queasiness returned my heart would feel a sense of relief.

5. Others might want you to be ‘okay’ now that you are pregnant again, but this is far from the case. Just because you are pregnant again doesn’t mean that you have forgotten or gotten over the loss of your other child. It just does not work that way. Don’t let others expectations impact how you feel about your pregnancy and the child that died. It’s okay to not be okay. Actually, it’s probably normal.

6. It will drive you crazy sometimes not being able to feel the baby move in the first trimester. From the weeks where you find out you are first pregnant to the time you begin to know when you are expected to feel the baby move will drive you nuts! You want to feel the baby move so badly to know everything is okay but you realize that you just are not at that point in your pregnancy yet. You tell yourself that this is normal but you still hate that you don’t have the reassurance of feeling baby moving yet to know if babe is okay.

7. But you might worry about the day you are able to feel the baby move in the second trimester. Even though you wanted for so long to feel baby move, you somehow dread the day that you can consistently notice kicks and jabs because that means that movement could one day stop and that is a scary thought.

8. Obsessing about the baby’s movement is normal. Well, maybe it’s not  normal.  I really don’t know, but it’s defiantly okay in my book. I needed to feel baby move at least a certain amount of times within a certain amount of minutes in order to be reassured baby was okay for today. Towards the end of pregnancy the only thing that kept me sane was feeling the baby move. In those moments I could somewhat believe that everything was okay.

9. Anxiety around doctor’s appointments happens. Going to the doctor can be reassuring but it can also be scary because the doctor is often time the one who delivers bad news. It’s normal to get anxious about appointments, even women who have not experienced a loss, experience anxiety during appointments during pregnancy.

10. Seeing other women pregnant will still cause you to rage with jealousy. There I said it. You see, there is just something that happens where even though you are pregnant again you still ache inside when you see another pregnant woman who has never experienced a loss. You just somehow can’t be happy for her because you are jealous of her innocence, of her joy. Yes you have joy, but it’s the bittersweet kind and part of you hates that and wishes it was different. It’s okay to be jealous. It really only makes sense, don’t you think?

11. It will feel like no one understands even if they have been through a PAL before. Each day a new feeling comes and goes. Every minute your emotional world is changing, evolving, or should I say erupting from within. One minute you are cautiously optimistic, you just felt the baby move, all is well…umm, wait, no, you feel a cramp. Ugh! You think, “Could this be pre-term labor?” and now you are back to being scared.  So naturally, it’s hard for you to feel as if others can relate because really our inner emotional turmoil is each our own and sometimes we just might not be on the same page as others, even if they have been down this road before.

12. The nurse’s or midwife’s line will become your life line. My best friend during my PAL was my OB nurse. Her name is Jessi and I honestly believe I would not have made it through pregnancy after loss without her. I called her at least three times a week and she never judged, never complained, and always welcomed my calls. I should probably call her boss and tell them that she deserves a raise.

13. You will probably go to the hospital or doctor’s office 10 times more then you really need to and that is okay. I think I went 20 times to the emergency room during the 37 weeks I was pregnant. Now that might be excessive as I am a diagnosed worry wart, but for good cause in this case. My doctors always told me they would rather have me come in and address my concern then sit at home and worry. Besides, it’s better to go in and have nothing wrong then to not go in and look back and say I wish I did.

14. It will be difficult to concentrate. With the normal physical and emotional changes of pregnancy combined with the added stress and worry that a pregnancy after loss brings, it’s amazing that you remembered to brush your teeth this morning. Just remember it’s normal to be distracted during pregnancy and specifically a pregnancy after loss.

15. Bonding with this baby may be challenging, but worth it. It’s scary to create a relationship with the bean growing inside of you because your past experience says, “Hey don’t get too attached, remember what happened last time.” And it’s normal to want to protect yourself from getting hurt again. However, whenever I noticed myself doing this I always told myself, “It’s going to hurt no matter what. It won’t hurt any less if I’m not connected to this baby, actually it might hurt more because I didn’t take the time to enjoy baby while they were here.”

16. The fear doesn’t  always go away as you get closer to birth. The closer you get to the day of your previous loss or to the day of delivery the scarier things might seem to get. You thought it would be the other way around because you are almost there. But it all just seems so unpredictable and scary now.

17. You might experience PTSD. If your loss happened during pregnancy then going through another pregnancy can be traumatic. For me it was like reliving my trauma every minute of every day. I could not escape it and the closer I got to the delivery day the more my anxiety and triggers of my past trauma intensified. What helped me was working with a therapist and practicing loving kindness and compassion towards myself.

18. The days move s l o w e r . No for real. Time seems to stand still when you are traveling through PAL. Moments seem like minutes and minutes seem like months at times. You just so badly want baby to here safe and sound that you wish you could press the fast-forward button on your life and you want to be able to do this so bad that it’s almost like you accidentally hit ‘pause’ on all the hard stuff.

19. Grief doesn’t go away. It’s ever present as you think back on the pregnancy with your last baby. Comparing trimesters, anniversaries, and milestones. It all seems surreal. You think about how this baby will be a little brother or sister to the baby or child that you lost and with that thought sorrow will flood your soul once again. It’s in the happiest moments that you find the greatest grief now.

20. But there will be joy! I know it might be hard to believe, but there can be joy during PAL too. You have to fight for it! Wrestle with fear and yell at it, “NO, YOU WON’T WIN!” Letting it know that it will not take this pregnancy from you too. But after that daily battle has subsided, you really might find a moment of excitement and happiness role into your mind as you secretly realize that yes, this could actually happen and most of all you deserve it too. So go out and buy that cute baby onesie that says “I love my mama” or “Daddy’s little girl.”

21. Thinking about birth can be scary. Thinking about birth, getting close to the date, waiting to go into labor naturally or preparing for your c-section. All of it might be scary to think about. Create a plan to help it be the day that you want it to be and maybe give you a sense of control. Hopefully it turns out to be a healing experience and most importantly the day that you get to meet your screaming, breathing baby.

22. You deserve this! You have been through so much. Much more than most moms I know. You carry a great pain on your heart and you deserve to hold a great hope and joy in your arms again. You deserve this! You have courage, you have strength, and you do it with grace. I don’t know anyone who deserves this more than you, mama.

23. Finally, holding your breathing baby in your arms is the most AMAZING experience. I wish I never had to go through PAL and losing a child is the worst thing I believe that could ever happen to someone. But if I have to go through the worry, anxiety, and fear of a pregnancy after a loss in order to hold my child, then yeah, I would do it again in a heartbeat. It was worth it for her.

 

What would you add?  What did I miss?  Please feel free to share your thoughts below.

 

Photo credit.

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About the Author:

Lindsey Henke
Lindsey Henke is the founder and Executive Director of Pregnancy After Loss Support, writer, clinical social worker, wife, and most importantly a mother to two beautiful daughters and one sweet-cheeked baby boy. Tragically, her oldest daughter, Nora was stillborn after a healthy full-term pregnancy in December of 2012. Since then, she has turned to writing on her blog, Still Breathing. Lindsey was featured as Pregnancy and Newborn Magazine’s Knocked Up Blogger during her pregnancy with her second daughter, Zoe, who was born healthy and alive in March of 2014. Her writing about life after loss has been featured on Still Standing Magazine, Listen to Your Mother, Scary Mommy, Healthline, Postpartum Progress, and The New York Times. Lindsey can be reached by email.

48 Comments

  1. Yuen Yue August 4, 2014 at 12:05 am - Reply

    Thank you! I love this. At the moment, hubby and I are TTC, and the first 6 points are so true to how I feel now. Really hope that I will have my rainbow soon.

  2. Carly August 4, 2014 at 1:00 am - Reply

    Unfortunately, just because you get pregnant again, it doesn’t mean you will get to bring home the baby. 39 week stillborn, followed by a 34 week stillbirth, both unexplained. Hoping this time it works… 19 weeks and counting.

    • Tanya August 4, 2014 at 6:26 pm - Reply

      Wishing you all the love and strength in the world. It’s truly terrifying but so so worth it. I was lucky enough to finally bring a rainbow home last year after a neonatal death and two further losses. I’m now seventeen weeks into my second rainbow pregnancy and the fear is still ever present. I cannot imagine your fear after two unexplained stillbirths. I really hope that you are getting lots of support in this pregnancy.
      With love and understanding, Jenson’s Mummy xxxxx

    • laura - layla's mom August 5, 2014 at 11:17 pm - Reply

      Carly, I used to think your story (a 2nd stillbirth) was my biggest fear. Now, 22 weeks pregnant with my rainbow, your strength to try again is my biggest inspiration. So, thank you. I hope we both bring home crying babies when the time comes.

    • Carly July 27, 2016 at 10:18 am - Reply

      Update! I brought home baby. Currently 20 months and learning about her big brother and sister in heaven.

      • Emily August 9, 2017 at 4:57 pm - Reply

        Carly, I was heartbroken at your first post (literally teared up at my desk/hands over mouth) and now I’m over the moon for you! You are so strong. Just wow.

  3. Christine August 4, 2014 at 5:49 am - Reply

    Sometimes the positive pregnancy test can still mean no happy ending. It can end in miscarriage as was my case. Sometimes you don’t get that rainbow.

  4. Jessica Saxsma August 4, 2014 at 8:05 am - Reply

    I would add the fear doesn’t go away once they are home. I was at the doctor with my after loss all the time. I never was with my first.

  5. rhonda August 4, 2014 at 9:20 am - Reply

    Another one is looking at your rainbow child/children so much in love and still not believing that they are yours. After being through the worst feels surreal.

  6. Sarah Schildmeier August 4, 2014 at 12:00 pm - Reply

    Fabulous and exactly what i would have needed/wanted to hear to validate what i was feeling as I went through this. The only thing I would add is that even earn you do have a healthy baby in your arms, with subsequent pregnancies/healthy babies, the worry and fear doesn’t go away and in fact, it can be even more severe the next time around (for me, I worried even more and counted kicks more often with my second viable pregnancy than I did the first…I couldn’t believe I would be lucky enough to have two living children after a PAL…I now have two sons and a daughter and we talk about their angel baby sibling (I was too early to know the sex) and they have a bear to remember him/her by visually… though they are all still you young to REALLY understand why he/she is gone). Oh and if you got pregnant soon after a PAL,there a certain amount of guilt about wondering about my lost baby because without losing that first baby, I would not have the oldest son I have today who is so kind and compassionate and gives great hugs and is such a great older brother to his smaller siblings and if that first baby would have arrived, it would have been a completely different kid I’m hugging and kissing… hope I portrayed that emotion right… it’s a weird emotion to feel honestly!

  7. Jayde Giles August 4, 2014 at 1:16 pm - Reply

    This has helped me reliease im not alone. Im only 10 weeks but every day is a relief for us. I wanna feely baby mpve but at the same time I dont because it makea it all so real and it really hasnt hit me yet. Im scared to hold my belly incase I bond but thanks to this, it feels normal to be scared.

    Many thanks x

  8. Katie August 4, 2014 at 3:01 pm - Reply

    I would add that when you decide to tell people about your loss, whether they’re close to you or not, most will not know what to say or how to treat you.

    The worst examples:

    1. an older family member took the news as an invitation to tell me about her own loss in gory detail, followed by, “At least it wasn’t as bad for you…”

    2. A family friend had recently lost her husband and reassured me that, “At least you can have another one, I can’t replace my husband.”

    3. My husband’s friend we ran into in the store asked about the pregnancy and upon hearing the news didn’t say anything, just walked away in tears. I understand the reaction but I’m still haunted by it.

    • Tammy August 13, 2014 at 2:02 am - Reply

      I so agree with you that I found other people’s comments to be often hard to bear.
      A common response that was intended to provide comfort but instead it tore me up more, was:
      It was nature’s/God’s way of preventing a baby born that would have had problems. Or, in other words, it was for the best. How could the death of my baby boy be for the best????? I wanted to scream at those people, but instead just gave no response. Even the people closest to me said that. I felt so alone in my grief.
      And I must say that the checking your underwear/toilet paper for blood every time I urinated (which was all the time!) was horrific. I am so glad that you mentioned that Lindsey—it made my every day all about fear rather than joy. And in fact, I bled throughout my PAL due to a placental bleeding, but I am blessed that now that PAL with regular bleeding gave me an amazing girl anyway.
      I feel for all of you mamas out there. Losing a baby is eternally heart-wrenching.

  9. Megan August 4, 2014 at 4:10 pm - Reply

    I only miscarried. I’ve never experienced a stillbirth. But being pregnant now (20 weeks) I still have my days when anxiety takes over. Every little thing that seems not normal brings out the worry wart in me. This is the furthest I’ve made it in pregnancy. So far our little boy is healthy. Thank God.

    • Lauren August 5, 2014 at 4:54 am - Reply

      Megan, I just want to say, there is no “only a miscarriage.” Loss is loss. Grief is not proportional to length of gestation, but a number of other factors. You might find this link helpful:

      http://seleni.org/advice-support/article/miscarriage-grief-is-real

      Lauren xo

    • Ruth August 9, 2014 at 2:55 pm - Reply

      I was going to say the same thing. It is not “only a miscarriage”, you experienced a loss and we all have the same pain in our hearts that cannot be measured. Hugs and love.

  10. Ange August 5, 2014 at 11:36 pm - Reply

    I had a full term healthy baby, then a loss at 26 weeks and then (after two early miscarriages) became pregnant with our second son. I had an amazing OBGYN – I must have called her private cell at least once or twice a week because baby wasn’t moving enough, etc. All things that happened with my first pregnancy but I was blissfully ignorant and unbothered by those things at that time. He had a traumatic birth and was poked in the head by the internal monitor. He had a tiny scab on his scalp for about a month after birth and even though everyone said it was nothing to worry about I cried every day thinking he would have a clot or something in his brain and die. The fear never leaves. Two years later I got pregnant again only to lose that baby as well at 18 weeks due to an unknown placental clotting issue. Now I’m going through testing and it’s awful. Everyone in the baby’s life experiences the loss, but the mothers are slaves to their bodies. If you can’t carry the baby , if it dies inside you, no amount of. “It was nothing you did” or “It was just one of those things” will ever absolve the gnawing guilt, or fear come subsequent pregnancies. Of course, there is a lot of joy but I wish someone would have told me that it’s a very real possibility there IS an underlying reason your baby was born still. Test yourself exhaustively regardless of “Oh it was just a fluke” pacification. Maybe it was a fluke, but maybe not and no one will pursue it unless you make them.

  11. Brittany August 5, 2014 at 11:55 pm - Reply

    I have this horrible feeling that I won’t love the child I’m carrying as much as his sister that I lost as an infant. That the joys will never be as joyful bc I’ve lost that innocence that I felt as a first time mom bringing life into the world. It’s hard to explain, but after my daughter died, although I didn’t plan suicide, I had a sort of peace about dying and joining her. Now that would mean I would leave a child without a mother.

  12. Stacie August 6, 2014 at 12:12 am - Reply

    I never got beyond the 8th week but for me morning sickness was a worry as sometimes (as I learned) morning sickness hits in the first weeks of pregnancy when your body is rejecting the baby.

  13. Mandy August 6, 2014 at 12:29 am - Reply

    I felt bad during my pregnancy with my rainbow, since I was asked all the time if I was happy. I didn’t know how to answer it since I felt fear that I would lose him as well. Yes I’m pregnant, am I happy about it, yes, am I fearful, YES! I didn’t know how to feel and if it was normal. Glad to hear that it seems to be normal. Thanks for posting this. I feel better now.

  14. Aria August 6, 2014 at 1:18 am - Reply

    this list was like a breath of fresh air for me- thank you! i’m still very early into this pal (about 7 weeks) and i’m fighting anxiety and fear all day long. an early miscarriage last year, followed by a neonatal loss earlier this year. i have a two year old son so sometimes i feel like i should be able to look at him and remember that my body can do this, but it just doesn’t work that way.

    i think the other thing i’m struggling with is when we do tell people that i’m not looking forward to their responses. we’ve told our families and couple of people were like “yay! how exciting! congratulations!”. yes, a new life is always good news. but i was kind of hoping for a more subdued response. i’m not really excited yet. i want to be and i’m trying but i think it will take a while to get there.

  15. Alissa August 6, 2014 at 1:47 am - Reply

    Exactly everything I went through during my PAL! Great things, and I really wish someone had shared this with me when I was pregnant. I might add that it’s ok to wait to do shopping or have your baby shower until after baby comes. Nothing hurt worse than having to return everything after my loss, so if a mommy wants to ensure that her rainbow baby is healthy before getting all her stuff (as long as you have a carseat to take baby home in), then it is perfectly fine. I waited until my baby was home, and it made it easier for me & the shopping was that much more enjoyable.

  16. JCB MOMMY August 6, 2014 at 1:48 am - Reply

    I would add that people seem OVERLY happy and joyous for you during PAL. They ask you how you are doing with great excitement and it crushes you because you are still grieving over your Angel baby and are anxious about having this new baby. It’s impossible to answer that question. It’s almost like they think this new pregnancy will “fix” everything and you are okay all of a sudden. People mean well, they just simply can’t even begin to understand everything you are going through.

  17. Jessica Garcia August 6, 2014 at 2:19 am - Reply

    I too lost a baby at eight weeks in December of 2013 and a year later I had my rainbow baby. Is it just me or do men face a loss of a baby different then us women I blamed my husband because he wouldn’t shed a tear well at least in front of me.

  18. Tonya S August 6, 2014 at 4:42 am - Reply

    I hate not knowing what to call my rainbow. I have a DS, then the one I lost at 7 weeks, now my rainbow baby. I *hate* saying I’m pregnant with my 2nd, but if I say my 3rd, it’s too confusing and too much for me to explain. 🙁

    I also hate the assumption that this baby magically fixes the hole in your heart. I am so thankful for my rainbow that I’m carrying, but I will always wish I had my baby with me. My rainbow won’t replace my little one we lost.

    • Ruth August 9, 2014 at 5:36 pm - Reply

      There is no easy answer for “how many kids do you have?”. I just gauge the interaction and decide if I want to share that info or keep it to myself. The majority of the time (especially since I’m obviously pregnant now), when people ask how many kids I have or “is this your first?”, I say it’s my third. Because it is! If they press for more info, then I’ll tell them, but most of the time, they just nod and smile, so I don’t have to explain that my second son passed away.

  19. Patz August 6, 2014 at 9:13 am - Reply

    My first pregnancy was so beautiful, i was trying to bond with baby, to eat healthy, reading a lot, making the best i could. I lost my daughter at 38weeks. Stillbirth from a total placental abruption. I was in shock for a while. Only thing that helped me was trying to see the spiritual side of it and writing in my blog. 6 months after loss, i got pregnant again. I didn’t know how to react. I decided to stay away from pregnancy info, to watch things that made me laugh… I finally decided to bond with this baby,too. It was scary, it’s so true how that innocence never comes back. My rainbow baby is here with me, 7 months old. I couldn’t believe it at first. It feels good to see her everyday. I think about my first baby, and how would be having the two of them here.

  20. Tara August 6, 2014 at 10:43 am - Reply

    I wish I could get pregnant again, two losses a year ago and cannot seem to conceive again.

  21. Grace August 6, 2014 at 2:27 pm - Reply

    For me, the first rainbow pregnancy was the hardest. But then I didn’t have multiple losses and have a treatable condition.

  22. Chloe August 6, 2014 at 7:20 pm - Reply

    I think I’d add that a positive test doesn’t mean bring home baby, a positive becomes a norm without an ending! (Pregnant 8 times with one earth child and one expected rainbow)

  23. Nicki August 6, 2014 at 8:40 pm - Reply

    I think the one thing that was hard for me was going into the doctors office and expecting them not to find the heartbeat. I was terrified when they brought out the doppler. I would hold my breath so the room was total quiet.

  24. ks August 9, 2014 at 2:55 pm - Reply

    Thanks for this. One feeling i was taken by surprise with was almost a resentment. Why was this baby ok and my first one died, whats different? But dont get me wrong i was happy and am glad to have a healthy son. But that feeling made me feel awful.

  25. Billie August 9, 2014 at 4:30 pm - Reply

    I had 2 miscarriages, my daughter was stillborn at 36 weeks, finally had my perfect little man, followed by another miscarriage, 8 years after my first loss. Watching him grow is such a blessing. Mentally my daughter and the others grow with him. There are many bittersweet moments, but I cherish them all. I never gave up hope, there was always this emptiness in my life, I knew I would give anything to hold my living child in my arms. There was never any explaination for my troubles carrying a child. Sometimes there are no good answers. We are mothers no matter how long we have our babies. We are strength and courage and soul. We love with all our hearts.

  26. Elsa September 3, 2014 at 11:44 pm - Reply

    Thank you for this article! After going through preterm labor and my daughter not surviving I was devastated. Then we tried and tried to conceive for nearly 2 years without any luck. When I finally got my first positive I didn’t believe it. The positive line was so faint I convinced myself it wasn’t real. Then I retested and the line only got darker and darker. I told my hubby a week later with much hesitation….he was happy and I was terrified. I want this to be a wonderful experience but I’m living in fear. As I read this I agreed to everything. It’s a sense of calm that comes knowing that I’m really not alone. Especially when everyone I’m surrounded by has had healthy babies and easy pregnancies. I’m taking it a day at a time….thank you!

  27. Samantha November 11, 2014 at 2:01 am - Reply

    I am so grateful to have read this. I am just about 6 weeks and so far my levels are looking good but…. I am terrified! I had 3 miscarriages (one at 6 weeks, 12 weeks then 10 weeks) then I had my two miracle babies. Split with my husband. I am now re-married and I just suffered my 4th miscarriage in April at 12 weeks. I can relate to a ton of these! It’s so good to know I am not alone! I went to my regular dr. this past week and they did an ultrasound and she said she saw nothing but she thought I was really early and dating might be off. They tested my beta-HCG again and it went from 98 on Monday to over 700 by Friday. She said things are looking good and we are hoping for the best! I have an OB apt on Tues.

  28. ann April 24, 2015 at 10:41 pm - Reply

    I don’t think it’s just me, but something I went through was having a hard time bonding with my baby after he was born…I was scared my whole pregnancy after two miscarriages, checking the underwear and everything…then he came and was healthy….but I kept feeling like someone was going to take him away from me like my other two were taken. It’s over 5 months later and I still feel that way sometimes.

  29. A mommy of 2 angels January 12, 2016 at 11:56 am - Reply

    I love this, but I would add the anxiety of telling people you are expecting after a loss is complete turmoil. I had a loss at 8 wks, took 2 years to get pregnant again and had a son, Noah Greyson, with triploidy and delivered him stillborn at 30 1/2 weeks which was longer than most people get but he was so small I never felt the movement or kicks. Now 6 mo. Later I’ve been diagnosed with pai-1 a blood clotting disorder and have been put on asprin and just found out I am 4 wks pregnant. I am a nervous wreck but keeping this secret with my spouse makes me feel protected in this bubble. If I don’t tell people ( due to the fear of loss) then I won’t have to relive those horrid unwarranted comments and advice. I won’t have to see their pitty faces, I won’t have to worry about anything my family has purchased that they will have to return if the worst does happen again. It is probably the most terrifying part. When do you tell people? Am I being selfish wanting this secret for as long as I can have it be my own?

  30. Jennifer February 16, 2016 at 10:48 am - Reply

    My 2 miscarriages were over 30 years ago, yet on the “anniversaries” I go to a dark place. I recall that with my second loss, I sank into a deep depression a few months later – and realised that it was my daughter’s due date. My first miscarriage, a son, happened in a chaotic time. I was in my late teens, the daddy had tossed me out of his life, didn’t want anything to do with us..so my memories are different, and my body reacted differently. No anniversary blues, no gut feeling of when he would have been born, etc. I went on to a home birth, a perfect baby girl. The article and the comments are blessings to me. Because so much time has passed, the people I confided in were impatient with me for not “getting over it” by now. But a mother’s heart never forgets.

  31. Emily May 29, 2016 at 4:29 pm - Reply

    I have a healthy 3 year old girl, and a baby boy in heaven. I lost Isaiah at 16 weeks pregnant. I never imagined that I would have lost a baby. Now I’m expecting my rainbow baby, and I am terrified! I stress over everything. I am beyond scared of my growing bump (which appeared veryyyy early), because I’m not ready to tell people and I feel it makes everything far more real. I haven’t even told my mother-in-law. Everytime I feel any discomfort, I’m alarmed. I have been extremely strict with myself for fear of losing the baby (no caffeine, no fish etc.). I even worry about worrying!! I know, crazy. I worry that if I worry too much, I will somehow kill my baby with stress. Help!!

  32. Kd September 3, 2016 at 6:19 am - Reply

    Thank you! Everything you shared is so true.

  33. SELİN September 29, 2016 at 5:55 am - Reply

    woooowww, all the words that i couldnt bring together is here..You are a great summarizer!

  34. Maeg December 28, 2016 at 12:45 am - Reply

    Written beautifully. You describe perfectly a very challenging and muddled time. Thank you for sharing your heart.

  35. Teresa January 5, 2017 at 9:42 am - Reply

    Thank You so much or this! It really helped my heart and soul. I’m currently 15 weeks pregnant after a miscarriage, I’m remaining positive and but not fully calm, so many thing go through a women’s head after a miscarriag, but we’re strong and will overcome. I pray for every single woman going through a PAL and those those that havent and are currently pregnant. May God and our Holy Mother bless every single one of you and all of our babies in Heaven and in Earth.

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  37. Alisha May 2, 2017 at 12:14 pm - Reply

    Wow Thank you for writing this! This brought tears to my eyes and explains exactly how I’m feeling. I’m only 5 weeks currently and so very worried! And Time seems to have slowed so much. I really do wish I could fast forward.

  38. Lama September 17, 2017 at 12:45 pm - Reply

    Thank you for sharing . It’s good to know that you are not alone in this horrible experience. Worse thing could happen to woman.hope I will be pregnant again soon . Can’t wait till I see the positive line in that test . Terrifying? Yes . But can’t wait to hold my baby.inshaallah

  39. Christine September 27, 2017 at 5:17 am - Reply

    Read this and cried because everything written is exactly my feelings..

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